Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Just Feel Crap!

Right so the last 24 hours have got worse for me! sorry guys happy clappy george has left the building!! hahaha i officially am a drip..on a drip!! lol

basically before i even got the chance to sit back and enjoy watching the only way is essex last night, even though all i had eaten that day was a bit of cheese from nandos my body was refusing to keep it down and just randomly not even coughing this time i was sick! :(

so i got more anti sickness and the lovely on call doctor did pay me a little visit, but she said she couldnt give me any more drugs as i was on everything (i was expecting this but kinda hoped there was something else) i explained to her exactly how iv been feeling and about my feeds and that i dont want them to think that im not doing etc etc she said no she understands and she will pass over everything i said to them in hand over in the morning. so at least that took a little bit of worry off of me!

that was it for the evening eventually got to sleep later on....

So today!! Well! i was woken up by my first lot of doctors coming in, ovbiously the on call doctor had told them everything id said and explained about my chest and so they came in woke me up, my eyes were stinging i was so tired but i knew i wanted to talk properly to them. she said she would come back thank god....give me a second to regisiter my body had woken up lol get my breathing sorted so i wasnt a mess when they came back and try hold a conversation together- first thing in the mornings are my worse...when my chest wakes up everything moves and basically go into a massive coughing fit and need to relax and get my breathing right (or get as much crap up)

so they came back my fav doctor georgie...(wicked name dont u think?) lol
she asked how i felt etc i said relly didnt feel good chest felt awful and tight feel so sick cant keep feed or food down, just basically told her everything i had said before on here.

my mind has gone a bit blank to actually what happened and what was said...i think its cause i just remember the second visit... they all came back again to me about half hour-hour later but my consultant came in too. so i explained everything again to him. they decided to start me on a drug called Aminophylline which is a drip they have you on for min of 24 hours to however long they want to until they feel like its worked. it basically opens up the airways and loosens things in the chest etc.. i think.. god i hope im right...lol ud think id no all this by now..i dont lol

so my consultant listened to my chest and he said i sound full up and crackles everywhere, they wanted me to go for a chest x-ray to check everything, start me on the drip for 24-48 hours they also mention steriods. il go back to steriods in a min! so they left i got started on my drip! then my nurse came in to see if i was ready to go to xray so she could call the porter.. and i said yeah just need u to unplug me from drip and she said yeah she will do it when the porter gets here!!

haha well mr porter man turns up! and says to me, you georgina?, i need to take you for x-ray, i was like ok all happy can you get my nurse to unplug me from my drip....well he goes out my room saying nurse nurse...door shuts so i cant hear what happens but then the door opens and my nurse and him are having a little row lol i find this hillarious... the porter had the hump because i wasnt ready to go STRAIGHT away...baring in mind these idiots literally walk around and do things in there own time around the hospital...leave people eg ME for ages before they come and get you..so i was 100% sticking up for my nurse...she literally unpluged me flushed me, it took no longer than a min.

then you should have seen the patheltic excuse of a wheelchair he came up with! obviously i got a picture of the badboy! it was so uncomfortable! looks like something you could create on art attack with a bit of metal..im prob a bit snobby as it dont compare to my lovely one!

i also saw a friend of mine down in x-ray paul hes on the transplant list too...even he said "you wouldnt even push your dog on that" hahaha

and yet again i was left in x-ray by the porters for ages! didnt care too much this time as i had a little catch up with paul. always great to see him, hes such a lovely guy and really inspirational! really hope he gets his call soon!!

heres a little pic of my drip and an old feed i hadnt got rid of lol

Right so back to steriods....now me and steriods dont really get on very well...(by the way these arent the staeriods that idiots down the gym do injections in there bum to make them have false muscles lol)
they always make me feel so emotional and i swell up and yes i do end up looking like a fat hamster or moonpig as lee and his family call me!..well depending on the dose. now i dont care what i look like as my healths more important but i dont want something thats going to make me snap
(roid rage as bianca would say)
or make me cry all the time! you could prob tell me im not allowed to watch towie and i would cry over it! literally there a pain in the arse! however they do make the chest feel good...sometimes i think its quite fake as when you come off your body can feel worse because it adjusts back so this is another reason im always a bit funny about argreeing to it!
but they always really help with appetite and that is defo what i need may stop my sickness! so i said well instead of throwing everything at me at once and not no which one has helped try one at a time.... altho amo does make me feel really sick

and tonight my mum made me get on the scales to see what my weight was.
As i was walking there i felt as if i was a fat person who had eaten loads of cakes that week and knew it was going to be bad...except i was on the COMPLETE opposite end of the scale!!

when i got on it, i almost burst into tears when i saw it said 36KG which makes my BMI 16.2 so basically if harefield were to call me tonight i can kiss goodbye at the chance of getting a double lung transplant as they will not do it if your BMI is lower than 18! so im prob temp off the list...so this is actually the first time i really dont want to get a call from them as i think it would destroy me more knowing that something came up that was right for me and because of my stupid weight i couldnt have it! i would blame myself so much think it would really affect me!! im trying not to think too much about it tho. so im thinking for weight reasons alone im going to ask to go on steriods 2moz!

sooooo lets change the subject anyways!
i slept most the day and everyone was really sweet they all left me alone to just rest.
i was laying there thinking today and i didnt feel like giving up, just acknoledged that there are days where my body is clearly telling me to just rest and sleep and instead of fighting it and trying to act like i can do everything and be all positive..i gotta go with it!
i felt exhausted and iv done nothing much this weekend! anyway this evening after my horrible weigh in...i really tried to eat some dinner tonight after my mum rushed up here bless her! u no those days you just need ur mum!! today was defo one of them! she helped me get to shower etc tidyed my room and bed and made it all cosy for me...just showering literally wiped it out of me and saw myself in the mirror and looked so skinny its discustin! i actually felt sorry for myself hahahaha

anyways enough for tonight altho im gutted im not going to be going home 2moz like id hoped once really good thing im looking forward to is REFLEXOLOGY!!
sarah is amazing and can make any pain go away and just relax me!- could really had done with her today!!

love love

1,452 hours on the transplant list :( x

im all tucked up in bed now!

1 comment:

  1. hi 1st just want to say i love your blog. 2nd i also have cf and have problem with my weight i have been put on megace 160mg. dont know if you have heard of it but it makes you very hungry and you cant stop eating. i have put on so much weight with it. so hospitals dont like it but it is really worth talking to your team about it. there are afew side effects but to be honest some of them are a plus.good luck with everything x