Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Whats been happening!?


I can't sleep and got lee fast asleep next to me snoring away so thought I'd make use of this wasted time to right a little blog instead of letting my stupid head get carried away too much in thought about life, one of the two places I think most about life in general are late nights and hour long baths!! Lol I pretty much plan out my life in these two places!!

Chest seems to be holding up ok, been quite busy and independent at times since Iv left hospital!!

Friday lee and I sorted out all the crap in my flat to get ready to move! And put bits on eBay to sell stuff I don't want to take with me to new place like sofas, bed, tables etc so fingers crossed they sell!!

Saturday we spent day in home places, went to dfs found a gorgeous corner sofa bed thing I'm prob gonna get called LUSH!! And it really was lush to sit on! I felt lost on sofa it's so big!
And went to carpet shops and wickes to get loads of ideas and bits we needed to buy!

In evening went for a lovely over priced meal in bluebeckers in shepperton with daisy and Lauren was good to get out, tried to be all grown up and have a glass of rosè to myself it was only small, couldn't handle it, haven't drunk since new year n that wasnt much, body can't handle it, started getting bit funny after half a glass and breathing went tight so let daisy finish that!

Then Sunday went for an over due sunbed! Felt amazing!! Love tanning so much DEFO gonna miss that post tx!! :-( Then saw my bilbo!! She finally back after months off being a chalet girl in the alps!! Not seen her since before Xmas was only a quick visit but was great to see her!!

Had my oxygen with me all the time in car mainly but pushed myself a lot, I dont really notice My sats being lower now my body's adapted I don't struggle til they really dip to low 80s I no I should be on my oxygen but sometimes it's just quicker to jump out n do things quickly then run back to car n recharge my body with oxygen after- not safest option but hey Ho when do I ever do what I'm told or what's best :p lol

Another thing that keeps happening dunno if it's just me but if I stand for too long my left leg gets really painful on the shin and my leg swells up and goes puffy like old lady's do it's so painful only happens on that leg :s so weird...think I need to speak to the old drs bout that!

Off steroids now, but appetite has slowly dropped and started throwing up again and feeling sick!
Lee bless him he's so good and does above and beyond what I'd do for him if it was other way round! I got in a right state and woke up during the night and threw up everywhere, had no energy completely wiped me, he changed bed cleared up everything! I felt so crap he's amazing! So lucky to have him really!! -not gna tell him that tho ;) lol

Really hope this sickness goes there's nothing worse and things have been so good and after the other night it's put me off doing my feed which I need to snap out of as I can't afford my weight to drop!!

Mixed emotions tonight though!

Firstly I'm OVERLY excited about my new place! It's already looking wicked, lee and his dad have spent over 12 hours there today none stop sorting out bedroom and living room, they done so much already, looks great and really appreciate all there work there doing for me!! Love them too bits!!

Secondly seen a lot of sad news about CF people at the mo! A lot of people seem to sadly have lost there battles or things haven't worked out best! I don't personally no them but reading some of there blogs really are amazing! People say I'm brave but bloody hell these people make me look ridiculous!!

It's so sad when you hear stuff like this but this is why I strongly stick by my ways!!
Growing up Iv been very selective of who I let into my life Regarding them having cf! I no sometimes it can come accross as me being a complete bitch, but I'm protecting myself!

Realistically CF people don't have a long life its nothing new its life! any nasty infection bad enough can wipe us out and i can't be doing with letting people close into my life when potentially I no I could loose them!

Its selfish but it keeps me sane, I can't have my life surrounded by CF!!

Besides all this, one story that really has been on my mind all day and even made me cry tonight- a story that shows as AMAZING transplants are and they give you the best quality of life, sometimes its not always as long as others- a girl called Ellis, I haven't read her full blog and don't no her but from what Iv already read she's so inspiring her courage and outlook on life is amazing! And although I didn't no her, and don't let myself get emotionally attached to people I can't help but think of her tonight and her family! This is her blog

Just shows how much you should appreciate life and live it to the fullest, she's one of my inspirations now!!

So if your reading and your quick to moan about how "bad" or "hard" your life might seem, take a second and just think about others yeah!?...

That's all that's on my mind tonight

Love love

2,796 hours on transplant list!


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