Tuesday, 11 August 2015

Emotional week

One thing that most close to me know is how impatient I am! If I want something done, I want it done now and over with! 

I think this is partly why I've been so stressed and down. 
My mum walked into my room yesterday morning and I just didn't say anything to her, but burst into tears!
When I get upset and down its not normal for me! And I generally mean that! And I fear it shows weakness which is far from the truth! But relating to me it's how I feel! 
So yesterday again was very up and down! One minute I would be fine, then I would just zone out, but there was no emotion there!! 

Anyways I've come to a conclusion it's the oxynorm! I've always said I hate taking stuff like that! 
So stopped asking for that now!

Over all I am getting stronger! 
My Physio from frimley has saved me!  And was amazing sorted out some water to humidify the oxygen for my cannula for when I am able to get back onto that, she also got me a couple of nose masks for bipap so I could try eat, drink and cough! And I cannot tell you how much in less than 24 hours this has changed everything! 

As soon as I got it last night I wanted to try it, so me being me got mum to open the mask I was most likely to use and give it a go! 
I was amazed at how well I took to it as I have tried nose bipaps in the past. But I suppose when your so desperate to do the smallest things you make it work! 

I did spike a fever again before my dinner arrived and felt very weak but once paracetamol iv kicked in I was all good again! 

I managed to eat a lovely Chinese dinner. 
Do Physio properly without getting tired! And I could drink and take tablets without it being a massive panic or effort to have to lift off bipap mask! It was also a lot more comfortable around my face and ears! The only think was talking but I've learnt that even now!

Today started off well, even managed to use the commode myself! 

Mum arrived we put the water on oxygen so I could try my cannula again. At the moment I like to try these things with no1 around. People stress me out too much and sometimes us patients no best aye! 

Had a lovely fry up from the cafe. Done all my morning stuff. Dr came in and it was so funny 

Talking about how I am etc the normal Dr and patient chat, then mum starts flapping around the room cause a wasp got in! You could see the Dr was like wtf until the wasp went over to him then he started dancing around, it really was the highlight to my day! 

Saw Carby on Wednesday which was nice! He made my day, he told me I could get off the heart monitors, I was allowed out of my room and over to the old granny's cafe and he said if I managed that ok I could even be wheeled to local pub! He said the stent is unlikely to move as they were pulling so hard to get it out, so doubtful that me moving around will make it move! 

I've been very emotional this week and numb, not like anything I've ever experienced before. I don't even do down let alone feelings like this! 
But Ive accepted it and just acknologing that I am Human and been thru a lot! 

So I managed to wash my hair in my room with this blow up thing. 

Was so nice to have clean hair! 

That's all to report really. 
My white blood count is high my crp is hovering around 170 but better than 300+
Heart rate changes daily 128/142 
Sats same sometimes 94/98 on 5 litres of oxygen thru bipap. 
I've had to have a lot of magnesium and potassium drips as levels been really low. 

But that's it really much the same waiting for lungs! 

Although I did listen to Carby and did escape my room and go to the old granny's place and enjoy a nice ice cream, was nice to get out of the ward and get some fresh air! 
Here's hoping the next blog is about me getting lungs!! 

Love to all 
Sprog xx

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