Friday, 16 December 2016

Kirstie Tancock- The Final Goodbye!


The blog no1 ever wants to write or read, but a true reflection of life and the world I am surrounded in. 

I remember the first time I heard of Kirstie, it was after  my transplant referral had been sent off to Harefield. We were hungry for information and knowledge about transplants and esp as she had CF  and that's exactly what we found in Kirstie! 

We found her blog and it was just as her programme "love on the transplant list" was about to be aired on BBC! 

I couldn't wait to see it, I wanted to know everything, and wow I was defo thrown in the deep end with her story! 

After that and following her blog like I'm sure many others, I had Alot of questions I wanted to ask too! This was just before my first assessment and I was so nervous and freaking out about it all. I was 21 and dealth was heading my way! 

So like I did back then I contacted Kirstie via Facebook inbox, wasn't expecting much as I knew she would probably be inundated with messages, but she replied to me, and after some back and fourth messages I felt she's the type of person I could get! Just connect with! There's wasn't any bullshitting with K but was beyond supportive!! 

And that's when Kirstie Tancock came into my life and will never leave me!! 

Kirstie had been so supportive to me and we became good friends, she was one of the first people to visit me after my transplant in hdu and she lite up the room even though I felt like shit! Haha she made it all feel so normal all the bits no1 warns you about she told me how normal it was and instantly put my mind at ease about the start of my recovery! 

I remember before the transplant I once found out I had anti bodies and started having a melt down thinking I would never get lungs to match me now and she rung me up straight away on her way to teach a pole class and told me it was all going to be ok, she had really high anti bodies for her second tx and yet she got the chance. 

She always had a way of making a bad situation good, and I will always admire her for her strength of that! 

You think facing death would be one of those things that no1 could accept, but Kirstie not only accepted but she taught it a lesson!! 

Today was a true reflection of that, it was the first funeral I have been too (and I have been to ALOT) that I can honestly say it was absolutely her funeral, it's like she was in the background with a speaker in everyone's ear saying right you next, do this, do that! 

And in true Kirstie style she performed and shined! 

From start to end the funeral was amazing? Is that weird to say that? I was in uncontrollable tears and in fits of laughter! Her coffin was beautiful with pink and aqua fading clouds with black silhouette of tinker bell and the kids from Peter Pan flying holding hands and in writing it said "F*** this world, I'm going to never land" 

It made me laugh and cry at the same time! 

Her little baby dog Kia was also at the service which brought me to tears. She cried and barked at parts! 

The people she wanted in the chapel were given gorgeous butterfly's to wear for us to sit inside. 

And the programme for the funeral was planned out perfect. As you can see in the pics. 
She had live singers, her own written poem, and her lovely sister read out bits, and her amazing husband Stuart was brave to read something from him too. 

All in all very emotionally day! But something I felt honoured to see! And only Kirstie would have an itv reporter run the service and a live stream of the funeral for people to watch! True Kirstie style!

She then also had a pole dancing performance and singers at the wake and news reporters! 
I have to say it was very unique but she would have loved it! 

There aren't enough words to say how amazing this girl was and always will be tonne and so so so many others. She done so much work raising awareness for so many good causes! 

She also taught me that pole dancing isn't just for strippers! And actually it's a beautiful art form and incredible to do! 

We will continue the work she started and her legacy will live on! 

We won't stop until organ donation is the norm and people know everything you need to know! If it wasn't for organ donation her life wouldn't have been saved twice! And thanks to my donor I wouldn't have even had the chance to know her and meet her and have a friend!! 

She spoke to me about the end when we were in hospital together, but I always hoped it wouldn't happen this soon, we all have a sell by date but Kirstie seemed untouchable! 
 If I have learnt anything from Kirstie is to live your dreams and continue to set yourself goals and don't be afraid to push yourself! 
Life is for living we aren't just here to exist!! 

It was also lovely to spend the day with my mum, we dressed up in pink for Kirstie! 

 And to spend the day with charlotte and hannah and to meet the lovely Sophie.


To watch the live stream for 7 days of Kirstie funeral, here is the information. It will need to be watched a computer or laptop. 

to watch the service via the internet.


Go to webcasts

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Tuesday, 22 November 2016


So so behind 

This blog is such a belated one, life has been so crazy busy I haven't even had time to sit down and blog and I do love a bit of blogging. 

So since my last lifetime ago blog SOOOOO much has happened. 

•I am now a Trustee for the charity Live Life Give Life (LLGL)

•I had an amazing Holiday in Spain. 

•I've been in and out of hospital twice! 

•Had a lovely wedding anniversary and •Celebrating lee birthday in a chocolate hotel! 

•And had a girly weekend in Dublin!! 

One of the sad things though have been loosing close friends, so as you know from my last blog I lost a good and close CF friend Robbie, then I sadly lost a friend Joanna and now a massive loss which I still don't think has hit me yet a great friend Andrew has been taken from this world after 6 false alarms for a transplant and taken off the list a few times due to being too unwell and then sadly died because of too many bleeds to the lung! 

I don't really know how I feel about it all yet  I just know he is a massive loss to me and it makes me even more passionate about campaigning for more awareness and educating people about organ donation! 

Things have to change and all of these friends of mine could have been saved 

So tomorrow I am attending the funeral in Leeds, which breaks my heart, I never got the chance to meet Andrew as we cannot mix pre cf with post transplant or any cfs pre tx . And we always said we would have a good piss up once he got his new lungs...but sadly this will never be the case and it breaks my heart.

A few weeks ago whilst out shopping for xmas pressys I saw this little Star Wars thing and Andrew loved it so I brought it for him for a card and was on an envelope at home waiting to send off just needed the address, once I got the address I was busy and was meaning to send it...but now it's too late and sadly Andrew never got my gift! :( 

Andrew had a great outlook on life and basically said what we all thought but would never say out loud! I think this is why so many people loved him, however he was marmite! But the thing with Andrew was, he was so intelligent, he was so witty but he talked so much sense! He was passionate about organ donation and encouraging people to do more and help the cf trust, yet he never understood why people would only do this when someone would die, or suddenly get ill. He aaa very much an atheists and believed in science he would always say things to ruffle feathers but this is what made him stand out and be someone so special someone who wasn't fake, or tried please anyone, he was his own person!! 

Tomorrow I'm going to pray for him and he will be calling me an absolute c%*t where ever we go! I'm joking that's not my thing but I will be celebrating the life of a great man who made a difference and a mark on my life! 

Tuesday, 30 August 2016

New start! Diet plan

So decided that I've had my "I'm recovering year" mode on for too long now and things aren't going to change I have to put the effort in like normal human beings do with the added stress and pressure of devil s (Steriods) 

So I have being typically looking on Pinterest as I do most nights when I can't sleep (again thank you Devil S) and this bank holiday weekend I have gone all out and eaten like an absolute pig! Curry, pizza express, and the best pudding ever 

All amazing but let's face it I can't sit here and complain about my weight and bloating when I'm eating all of this rubbish and carbs just do not agree with my tummy situation! 

So back to Pinterest I have been looking at diets etc and found one that could work for me! It's called the Paleo diet, it basically is like going back to the cave men days, only eating meat fruit and natural stuff, no processed rubbish, no carbs and grain, and ESP no sugars and fizzy drinks! 

Now this is the biggest challenge for me, I'm addicted to redbull! I know so bad bla bla bla but addiction is an addiction and redbull is my weakness! But over the last week Aswell as drinking it I have been drinking more water! So I'm just going to go cold turkey and not drink it. 

I have holiday in less than a month so I've decided to do my own 30 day challenge. Keep to this diet as best as possible, try go to the gym at least 3 times a week, do the 30 day squat and plank challenge and try drink as much water as possible. 

Avoiding going out to restaurants, keep away from corner shops at work! And keep a log of my daily process and video it so I don't give up! Like a distraction! Il do my weight tomorrow morning, and a selfie to start and then just see where this leads to. It might all be a fail but il be happy just avoiding redbull to be honest and fizzy drinks but if I can stop the bloating and loose a bit of weight that will be a massive bonus! I want to look half decent in a bikini! 

So I wanted to blog so I've thrown it out there now and can't hide or back track on it! I've got to have the will power and prove to myself that the way I'm living at the moment is not how I can anymore. 

It's such a head fuck, growing up constantly being told to eat shit and put weight on, to now completely changing life style, and being on Steriods, it's a nightmare because all you think about is food, or what to eat and planning meals. Sometimes I spend no joke hours in my head having a debate weather to eat something or not! I'm always thinking about food and then when I start eating the is no stop button, no matter how full or bloated I am! I actually miss the sickness feeling sometimes and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, that's how desperate I am sometimes! 

I hate the way I look now, I look in the mirror and don't see George, I see this fat little chubby faced, bloated person! I don't feel sexy, I hate shopping or going to places to dress up because I can't where tight fitted clothing anymore! 

I mean I am so grateful to be here and wouldn't change it, just wish I didn't feel so down about how I look all the time! Thank god I take citalopram because I would prob be so depressed haha

Anyway so wish me like for these diet plans and challenges! And let's see if it works! I will prob post in sexy photos and I apologise in advance just want to keep it real! 

Mucho loveo 

Sprog xx

Saturday, 27 August 2016

I did it mofos, 1 year post transplant!

So that's it, I have conquered my first year, I've sailed through with no problems, I know this is cheesy but wow do I feel proud of myself!! 

I can't quite believe it's been a year already, at times it feels like only yesterday I was put back on the transplant list and started the agonising wait, and that morning of getting the 4th call for lungs and knowing it was a go ahead, but then at the same time it's feels like a lifetime ago, or like another person. 

Life has changed so dramatically sometimes I don't even know who I am anymore, ESP with less frequent hospital visits and nothing to struggle with. 

I've spent my whole life just knowing hospitals and being unwell or coughing all the time and even when I was doing well I still had cf so lungs were never perfect and quickly reminded me that when I would push myself or try be "normal" 

But now I pretty much am what I can only imagine is normal and it's mental!! And got to be honest but fucking scary sometimes!! 

I'm so positive and maybe too positive for my own liking sometimes, negativity rarely enters my head, but when it does the worrys hit me like a ton of bricks, and leading up to my year I started to thing maybe things have gone too well, what's going to happen now! But I brush myself off and chuck that neg thoughts away! "Just shut up George and enjoy every moment!!" 

It's all still very unreal, ESP like I said in my previous post, seeing stuff "on this day a year ago" on Facebook, things I missed, messages from people, it's just crazy! I've come so far from such little life left in me! 

But also this past year it's been lovely to see my family, my sisters grow and be part of their lives(as much as they will let me) 
Seeing my mum go from strength to strength and get her confidence back and working again, we have an incredible. Relationship and she's put her life on hold for far too long for me and everyone else, this is prob the first time since I was born she's been able to have me time for herself! And that in itself makes me so happy!! 
She's an amazing mum and person and everyone who knows her loves her dearly! 
Lee has got a proper wife for once and not a little vegetable stuck in a wheelchair or on oxygen anymore just a little fatter version of the 18 year old girl he met! 

Life is amazing and the things I write to describe it don't even come close to how good it really is!! 

On my actually anniversary the 19th myself, mum, Cathy, Paul, Nicola, baby vivi and holly met at Harefield hospital. I have in a card to send off to my donor family. And then let a balloon of for my amazing beautiful donor! 

We then went for a lovely lunch at the orchard in Harefield and Pamela and graham came to join in! And can't forget the lovely cake my mum made me even though she's never made a cake before haha 

So enough of the soppy shit!! 

How I celebrated! Well Obvs I had a party because let's face it, it's not every day you have a transplant and get to the first year so smoothly! 

So yeah we partied! Maybe a little too much...
I got a little hall with a bar at Woking football club, I had a photobooth, I made jelly shots! And lots of nibbles! 

And yeah so this is the result...

My favs minus Billee 

So that's just a few snippets but I had the best night and got so emotional at the end when they played my song "fight song" I cried my eyes out and I hardly ever cry! 

Also This photo below is amazing, we got all of the transplant lot together who were able to make it. Thanks to all our amazing donors we could all share this special moment together! 

The newbie is 3 months and the longest is 31 years!! 

So we have Ashley- double lungs
Emily- double lungs 
Sarah-kev the kidney
Andrew- double lung, heart and kidney
Kristina-double lung
Holly- double lung
Paula- double lung 
Carla- heart 
Veronica- double lung 
Vanessa-double lung
Sharon- double lung

12 patients, 13 donors, if this isn't a good enough reason to sign up for organ donation I don't know what is!

So all in all it was such A good anniversary and appreciate everyone who made it special for me, ESP lee for sorting all of the party stuff out and let me have whatever I wanted! Such a babe haha 

A few things in the next few weeks and countdown to my first holiday in 3 years!!!  Cannot bloody wait!! 

Mucho loveo