So happy 11 months post transplant to me! Crazy to think how quick it has gone but amazing to think how lucky I have been to sail through with no problems!
Very excited to be celebrating this time next month with all my family and friends!
So what's been going on in the world of Sprog!!
Well my tummy is not playing ball at the moment! After my birthday I decided the 9 months pregnant look was the way forward! Or at least my body decided that for me! I'm not even joking look at this
So I was started on 50mls of gastrografin as I haven't had it for a while, but it done nothing so went straight onto 100mls a day! Now that was over a week ago and I am still currently looking like a whale so Frimley have decided to hit me with 200mls a day now so good by social life and leaving the house! The toilet is my new best friend!
So back to my birthday! I spent the day at Harefield champagne picnic to raise money for the icu there! The hospital as I always say is incredible so they need as much help with funding and donations as possible to extend the unit!
It was a lovely sunny day and got to see Emily Ashley and Andrew! And enjoy some bubbles, a few glasses and loads of sandwiches hahha
Then mum and I went for a naughty Chinese! Loved it!!
The following day lee and I spent the day together, little bit of shopping in Guildford then we arranged to go to go ape in Bracknell! Lee was so not up for but doing it to keep me happy but we ended up having lots of fun, laughing lots (mainly at me) and pretty sure lee had fun!! And really want to do the Segway next!
Then we had a naughty Indian for dinner!
He got me a beautiful bracelet I've wanted for a while from Pandora and a few charms to go with it which he chose himself pretty impressed although he knows what type I like!
That was my birthday done! And more active than last year lets say!
Then the weekend just gone was my beautiful friend Tors birthday! Bit more exciting than mine and got all dolled up and went to bosco bar in surbition lee and I also stayed the night in the hotel above the bar! My babysat our babies at home!
Was a good night, I discovered a drink called a royal jäger, instead of redbul like you have a jäger bomb you have jäger in champagne!!
And many tequilas and a few wines!
And surprisingly woke up feeling pretty fresh the next day!
Lee and I got back from the hotel, mum and I took the dogs for a walk, then went to farnbourough international air show! Which was amazing to see! All the planes were Incredible, doing tricks and all sorts! I expect every plane in the sky now to do flips and go upside down! Haha
Left there about 5.30 and went home and I sent off to knutsford to stay with my cousin Nicola for the night to finally meet baby Vivenne! 7 weeks old and so bloody cute!
Spent the day there all Monday with Nicola, vivi, Sally, Seb, dom and Amelie after school! I left around 8pm and had a nice quick journey back!
Then work the next day!
So tonight I've come over all emotional!
It's hit me a lot recently how scary transplants are, I feel we have all been dealt with the unlucky cards in our life, but for some it just never seems to end!
A few of my friends are going through rejection, others I know of have had to have second transplants or watiing or dropped in health and unaware of what's causing it or caused it! Transplant gives you the best feeling ever, but find from speaking to people that it can shatter you so unexpectedly and so quickly!
CF for me has also been a very slow gradually decline, I've had my times where it has caught me off guard and been very unwell but generally it's been a slow process!
This transplant stuff scares me, however positive I am and feel, there is always that thought in the back of my head wondering if it will be taken aware from me soon! I remember meeting one of the surgeons the first time I got a call for lungs when I had come out of icu in Harefield and I had to sign the paperwork, and he said "we estimate this to last for 18 months" at the time I didn't care I needed to survive!
Now I think about this comment a lot, esp now I am 11 months! I know I am doing so well and this is no way me saying I'm going to die in 7 months time, but with eveything going on around me I just feel so out of control over what could happen! I don't think about this all the time.
Most of the time I'm too busy doing something crazy or busy enjoying life, but when I go on Facebook or hear about someone else not doing well that little comment pops into my head!
I do remind myself that I shouldn't be here anyways and just take each day as it comes! Plan to live for ever, but live as if il die tomorrow!!
Also as its my year coming, it's reminding me of how things went badly downhill this time last year! I had the new port and stent fitted on the 21st July and then off I was at Harefield on the 26th! Just flashbacks of it all, I even had a mini panic attack earlier when I was thinking about it! I got really hot from the weather and then struggled to breathe but I was remembering having my bipap on and not being able to take it off and just wishing something would help!
I don't think I've really say back and registered it all, I think psychologically I've blanked that part of my life out to protect myself! Who knows! All I know is this week im feeling very emotionally about it all! And even thinking of my donor family now, I'm thinking how bad I was this year but now I'm thinking are they thinking this time last year I was with my wife/mum/ granny! That also makes me sad for them!
A whole lot of emotions going on at the moment and I'm not 100% on how to deal with it! I know il be fine in a week I get like This now and then, I process it all and get back to normal George again!
Sorry for the half depressing blog! Be a bit more churpy next time!
Love love xx
Very honest blog George, thanks for sharing babe- glad to know I'm not the only one who has these worries! Especially, as you say, when you read sad news on Facebook :( Keep being your brilliant self, your positive mental attitude has a lot to do with you being so well and strong, I'm sure of it! Lots of love xxxReplyDelete
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