But yesterday I was hit with the worse news, and I'm still struggling to get to grips with it, and it has been less than 24 hours!!
A close friend of mine Robbie Hardy sadly passed away yesterday. Wrongly passed away in my opinion too! I feel so angry and overwhelmed with sadness, I've only known rob since 2014 but he made such an inpression on me!
He was such a funny little fucker! We had so much banter together! And he would come out with things that I had absolutely no idea what he was on about and he would explain to me and it still wouldn't make sense, we are polo opposites but we just clicked!
I remember once him calling me a side dish! These are the comments that would come out of his mouth a lot and again I had no idea what he was on about until he explained, then I would hurdle abuse at him!
We would regularly send the most unattractive snapchat photos too each other, mainly comparing double chins and steriod faces!
Or just random photos
But Robbie got me and I got him on a weird level! He's been through some shit in his small 22 year life! He's had to be so strong and independent from a young age and he's handled it so bloody well!
It's not my place to go into his personal life but I'm so proud of the person he became!!
So Robbie had Cystic Fibrosis, he's been close to dealth more times than he should have but he always came out fighting, and again we thought this time would be the same, but unfortunately it wasn't the case this time, and how many times can CF lungs take a battering and come back strong again, eventually there was going to be a time were they had had enough, I just hoped that this time he would get some new lungs and be able to enjoy life again!
But for rob he didn't even get the chance to get onto the transplant list, not even to Harefield! This deeply upsets me, but I'm not going to go into all that!
Before Robbie passed away yesterday, he had been put on a ventilator at his local hospital! CF lungs are so weak, it would have been a amazing if he had been able to come off it on his own, but my hope was for new lungs for him!! Sadly both didn't happen!
It's times like this that annoy me that the life expectancy in the public eye for CF is known to be 41! It's bollocks because I barely no any CF people who have made it to 30, let alone 41!! And most above 30 are waiting for transplant or had one!!
I'm so gutted at the moment, robs the first person in a long time that has died and it's really hit me hard, unfortunately you get use to CF people dying, we are almost programmed for it, but now and then you get caught out like this and your inner strength is absolutely stripped away!
I keep falling into uncontrollable tears, he's prob looking at me laughing telling me to man the fuck up! Or using other words to say it in his way! "Come on fam" hahha going to miss delivering him redbulls to Frimley and slyly getting more and more in his room with the staff not seeing me so they don't have a melt down!
Mainly going to miss our Whatsapp and snapchats! And just general chats! I so so so wanted things to be different for rob!! He deserved so much more than this!
I don't believe in God, and I don't really know what I believe about the after life, but all I know is he isn't struggling anymore!
You'll be forever in my heart Robbie! You made such an impression on me and so many! You always supported me and routed for me ESP last year!!
Miss you so much already!
Love You loads babe