Tuesday, 27 February 2018


I can’t believe I haven’t blogged since September last year! 

I use to update this blog weekly how life changes when you have a transplant! 

I always said I would be open and honest in my blogs. 

But I’m suffering with depression badly these days, I think a lot of it is due to my weight and my body imagine which may sound vein but it can effect woman of all ages! I’ve spent my life being a size 2/4/6 and now I’m 8/10/12 it’s not normal for me and yes I hate how I look. 

I constantly get comments like of your healthy now and you’d rather be like this than dead! These comments don’t help me, of course I don’t want to be dead but I want to be skinnier and have a good ass! Not rolls on my tummy saggy tits and far ass with no shape (yes my boobs have sagged) 

My whole life I have been sitting at 38kg which I know is low but that’s what I was now I still around 58kg! That’s 20kg more!t bmi is over 25 now, it’s crazy and I can’t stop eating! 

I’ve gone on about this in my blog before but it’s something I’m so unhappy about yet I’m the only one who can do anything about it, I’ve joined slimming world but I just can’t keep my head focused with it! 

I’ve tried cutting out carbs and sugar but I’m so addicted to redbull I can’t not have it! I tried two weeks without it and did so well lost 4lbs but now I’m
More addicted than ever! 

Also in more medical side of my life I’m
Currently waiting to have a fundoplication operation which basically they wrap the top of my stomach around my Oesophagus to stop any reflux coming back up and going into my lungs. 

So having this surgery will help stop reflux and damage my new lungs but also loose weight, I have to be on a strict diet post op, first week or two is just clear fluids! So I’m bound to loose a bit of weight and no redbull or fizzy drinks so this could help with my addiction! I have to have it either way so will see what happens. 

So to my boobs 
My lovely perking breast implants well due to steroids they are now lower and Alot lower they have dropped as I said thanks to steroids! I need an uplift which I can’t afford at the moment! I’m so upset with them, they are better than they were before but no way near how I want them! But can’t have it all and should be thankful for being able to have one in the beginning. Lee thinks there fine and others but when your not happy yourself that’s all that matters 

There not this bad but how I imagine them